Archive for the 'GMB' Category

17
Jul
09

mr united set to challenge labour

Any day now Steady Eddie, aka councillor McAtominey the disgraced Labour councillor and convicted felon will learn whether or not he’s to be booted out of the Labour party.

Councillor McAtominey, who was suspended from the Labour party last year after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving and was later convicted of failing to provide a sample has had his case referred to the National Executive of the Labour party after Labour North shirked their responsibilities and failed to terminate his membership.

Steady Eddie made things worse for himself when he was arrested for a second time and charged with drink driving. This time he pleaded guilty and was banned from driving.

Councillor McAtominey is no stranger to controversy – he was suspended from the Labour party for 4 years after he was caught cheating on printing tenders with the help of his now wife councillor Nancy Maxwell, who was a union employee and his accomplice.

Mr Monkey has been told by an insider that councillor McAtominey has decided that if he’s thrown out of the Labour party he will not stand down as a councillor but instead he will cross the floor and become an Independent, so will his wife councillor Maxwell.

Apparently they’ve already discussed this with their friend and Labour party thug enforcer, councillor John McCabe and councillor McAtominey is telling those close to him that councillor McCabe is  likely to follow him and rejoin the ranks of the Independents after first being elected as an Independent and then crossing the floor to Labour.

Steady Eddie is predicting that he’s the man to unite the opposition groups and that he will lead the challenge on Labour. He’s determined to go down in history as the man that killed off the Malcolms.

Good luck Mr United – this chimp is looking forward to seeing you in action once again, but this time with the support of some ferocious allies instead of the fuckwits you currently share the benches with.

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09
Feb
09

EXCLUSIVE: Council Staff To Be Charged For Parking

EXCLUSIVE: Mr Monkey can exclusively reveal that South Tyneside Council is to start charging it’s employees to park in it’s staff car parks.

At present town hall staff can park for free, Monday – Friday in Winchester Street and Claypath Lane car parks, but all this is about to stop.

Mr Monkey has learned that from April, staff who want to use these ‘reserved’ car parks will be need to buy a permit at an annual cost of £365. This will allow them to park in these car parks, Monday to Friday, but they’ll need to pay extra for Saturdays and Sundays.

Staff are outraged by this latest Malcolm inspired move and feel they’re being used as pawns to justify ever increasing parking charges.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering what the residents of Bolingbroke Street, Romilly Street, Erskine Road, Broughton Road, Berkely Street, Salisbury Street, Lyndhurst Street, South Woodbine Street and Selbourne Street think about this latest stealth tax, especially when council staff start parking outside their front door.

This chimp reckons things are about to get a whole lot warmer around the town hall.

16
Jan
09

Apologies

Mr Monkey has been spending a lot of time in councillor Ed Malcolm’s wannabee Parliamentary constituency of Houghton and Washington East. This has meant that there’s been very little time for posting so please accept Mr Monkey’s apologies – but things will get be back to normal after the ballot.

Over the next couple of days Mr Monkey will be checking out several leads about a sudden and dramatic rise in new Labour party and union membership applications.

This is an old Malcolm trick which has for years been used by the Chuckle Brothers and their supporters to load the numbers in their favour to secure the result they want in selection ballots – the police call it fraud and ballot rigging.

It’s a relatively simple and cost effective way of guaranteeing the result you want and all it takes is a bit of persuasion and an offer to pay the ‘prospective members’ subs. You don’t need their permission either – Iain Malcolm still boasts about the time he joined a dead man to the Labour party, but more of that later.

Mr Monkey is working on getting irrefutable proof and when he does it will be passed to the Police.

14
Jan
09

Look Out For Mr Monkey In Houghton and Washigton East

Mr Monkey reckons that since he sent out his Christmas card to a select band of individuals his blog has seen a rise in visitor numbers.

This chimp thought he would test his theory further by sending out some promotional material to all the pubs, clubs, shops, hairdressers, taxi offices, takeaways and community centres in the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency.

Mr Monkey reckons that the people in these former mining communities don’t realise what a scheming, devious and manipulative twat Ed Malcolm is – he thought he’d point them in the right direction and what better place to start than Mr Monkey’s Blog.

This chimp has already put an end to the King of Sleaze, David Potts political ambitions and he’s now got ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm in his radar.

14
Jan
09

‘Big’ Ed Malcolm and His Kilt

South Tyneside’s answer to The Chuckle Brothers, councillors Iain and Ed Malcolm seem obsessed with re-discovering their Scottish roots.

In September Mr Monkey revealed that council leader Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm was partial to a bit of weekend cottaging after he bought a hideaway in Hawick in the Scottish Borders. CLICK HERE.

Not to be out done by his brother, ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm the wannabee MP for Houghton and Washington East decided to get in on the act and recently bought himself a kilt – not just in any tartan but a Clan Malcolm tartan.

When word reached the members lounge his collegaues pissed themselves laughing especially at the thought of ‘Big’ Ed in a kilt with his deformed size 3 feet stuck on the end of his short bandy legs. One senior Labour councillor who likes a wee dram reckons Ed is determined to beat Red Rumcouncillor George Elsom to the title of Twat of the Year.

But Mr Monkey reckons Ed’s purchase had more to do with winning a few extra votes in the old County Durham pit villages of the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency than his desire to rekindle his Scottish roots.

It seems this gesture could be is a last ditched attempt to persuade former miners and their families – many of whom have Scottish roots – to vote for him in the upcoming selection ballot.

09
Jan
09

Unions Split Over Ed

Labour councillor Ed Malcolm who’s desperate to beat his brother Iain – leader of South Tyneside Council to Westminster is seething that he’s not managed to get all the unions to back him in his bid to grab the nomination for Fraser Kemps Houghton and Washington East seat. 

‘Big Ed’ known for his small feet and love of women old enough to be his granny has secured the backing of Unite but Unison and GMB have pledged their support to his main rival Liz Twist.

Mr Monkey reckons that the key to winning the nomination is the support of the old miners and from what Mr Monkey hears they remain to be convinced that Ed has the personality or charisma to represent them and they’re even less convinced when they read about his antics on Mr Monkey’s Blog.

11
Nov
08

What Does Steady Eddie Know About You Iain?

Bloggers will know doubt have read The Fat Mackem Hobbit’s account of councillor Eddie McAtominey’s latest drinking exploits around 8.30pm yesterday. CLICK HERE.

Like the Hobbit, Mr Monkey was told by a source close to the Labour leadership that Steady ‘hic’ Eddie was in police custody after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving. But unlike the Hobbit, Mr Monkey decided to wait for confirmation ealrier today.

It seems the Labour party is rapidly imploding on itself and if Iain Malcolm’s little piglets continue at this rate most of them will be in jail, a lunatic asylum, an addiction clinic, the crematorium or facing charges on suspcion of benefit fraud. 

Even head sow Iain Malcolm, aka Miss Piggy is beginning to drown in his own shit face questions about his murky dealings at Newcastle International Airport.

If poor Miss Piggy hasn’t got enough shit on his her plate the borough’s number one plonky and Labour’s answer to Ozzie Osborne, councillor Eddie McAtominey was seen leaving a shop on Finchale Road Hebburn with a bottle of the hard stuff. He drank the lot and then threw the empty bottle over a wall before getting into his car and attempting to weave his way home to see Nancy.

Unfortunately for Eddie the police had already seen him and pulled him over for a breath test. This time there was no “do you know who I am” or “I’ll have your fucking jobs” he just did as he was told like a naughty little schoolboy who’d been caught with his hands in someone’s arse pocket.

The breath test proved positive and he was arrested. A second breath test at South Shields police station was also possitive and he was then tucked up in his cell for the night.

After a hearty breakfast washed down with alcohol free tea, he was taken to the Magistrates Court where he pleaded guilty to drink driving. He was banned for 21 months, fined £500 and ordered to pay £43 costs.

Apparently he perjured himself in court by claiming that his drink problem only started when he was diagnosed with cancer – you’re a lying bastard Eddie.

You’ve always had a drink problem, your liver’s fucked and everyone including your partner in crime, you know the one that opened all those procurement envelopes and tenders at the GMB wife knew you were a plonky years ago. The only surprise is that you’ve lasted this long.

Boys 'n' Booze .. what more do you want Iain?

Boys 'n' Booze what more do you want Iain?

Miss Piggy aka Iain Malcolm must of had a hell of night laying awake wondering what to do next.

This morning he apparently took ‘decisive’ action in that he suspended councillor McAtominey from the cabinet. But being the limped wrist bastard he is, councillor Malcolm allowed Steady Eddie to remain on the police authority and the council.

Come on Iain who the fuck are you trying to con, the arsehole you are protecting is a one man disaster zone. He’s dragging the good name of the party, the council and the people of South Tyneside through the shit and you’re letting him do it.

Mr Monkey can’t help wondering whether Steady Eddie knows just a little too much about you and your murky past and that you’re scared stiff that he’ll tell all – remember those selection meetings Iain?

Come on Miss Piggy councillor Malcolm act like a leader and do the decent thing .. get rid of this washed up alcoholic before it’s too late.