Archive for the 'Whip' Category


mr united set to challenge labour

Any day now Steady Eddie, aka councillor McAtominey the disgraced Labour councillor and convicted felon will learn whether or not he’s to be booted out of the Labour party.

Councillor McAtominey, who was suspended from the Labour party last year after being arrested on suspicion of drink driving and was later convicted of failing to provide a sample has had his case referred to the National Executive of the Labour party after Labour North shirked their responsibilities and failed to terminate his membership.

Steady Eddie made things worse for himself when he was arrested for a second time and charged with drink driving. This time he pleaded guilty and was banned from driving.

Councillor McAtominey is no stranger to controversy – he was suspended from the Labour party for 4 years after he was caught cheating on printing tenders with the help of his now wife councillor Nancy Maxwell, who was a union employee and his accomplice.

Mr Monkey has been told by an insider that councillor McAtominey has decided that if he’s thrown out of the Labour party he will not stand down as a councillor but instead he will cross the floor and become an Independent, so will his wife councillor Maxwell.

Apparently they’ve already discussed this with their friend and Labour party thug enforcer, councillor John McCabe and councillor McAtominey is telling those close to him that councillor McCabe is  likely to follow him and rejoin the ranks of the Independents after first being elected as an Independent and then crossing the floor to Labour.

Steady Eddie is predicting that he’s the man to unite the opposition groups and that he will lead the challenge on Labour. He’s determined to go down in history as the man that killed off the Malcolms.

Good luck Mr United – this chimp is looking forward to seeing you in action once again, but this time with the support of some ferocious allies instead of the fuckwits you currently share the benches with.


More tales from a tyne whore

Many dockside prostitutes Mr Monkey spoke to say that Filipino seamen sew little plastic beads into the shaft of their penises.

When Mr Monkey first heard this, he couldn’t believe it. But most of the ladies he spoke to whilst he was researching his book insist that it’s true and one good time girl who wishes to remain anonymous said, “oh yeah, those boys are NAUGHTY”.

Mr Monkey was curious and wanted to learn more so he asked several Filipino sailors whether it’s was true. Most nonchalantly acknowledged that it was and that it’s a fairly common practice, especially amongst the older sailors. But they say it’s dying out amongst the younger generation.

The “body modification” community calls this practise “pearling” or “genital beading” and if you want to see more click on the link at the bottom of this page 


When Mr Monkey asked several seaman why they did it, they claimed it made them feel more “manly” and more “part of the crew.”

Mr Monkey decided to find out more and asked a sailor called Quimbo, known to his shipmates as Willy how they did it?

Apparently most sailors insert their own beads by making a small incision in the shaft of their penis, they then insert a series of small silicon beads under the skin before sewing it shut and everyone Mr Monkey spoke to confirmed that it was incredibly painful – no shit Sherlock!

There are various styles but apparently most choose one of three main patterns. The first is the single bead on the top of the shaft. The second is a row of beads across the top of the penis, for maximum clitoral stimulation. The third pattern is a comprehensive cover of beads around the shaft of the penis.

So what do the dockside girls think?

Most find it a strange custom and reckon having sex with these guys is painful and some refuse no matter how much money is on offer. But when Mr Monkey asked The Whore of the Tyne what she thought, there was a twinkle in her eye and she said, “yeah, those beads add a little something extra and it’s not just money.”



‘Big’ Ed Malcolm and His Kilt

South Tyneside’s answer to The Chuckle Brothers, councillors Iain and Ed Malcolm seem obsessed with re-discovering their Scottish roots.

In September Mr Monkey revealed that council leader Miss Piggy, aka Iain Malcolm was partial to a bit of weekend cottaging after he bought a hideaway in Hawick in the Scottish Borders. CLICK HERE.

Not to be out done by his brother, ‘Big’ Ed Malcolm the wannabee MP for Houghton and Washington East decided to get in on the act and recently bought himself a kilt – not just in any tartan but a Clan Malcolm tartan.

When word reached the members lounge his collegaues pissed themselves laughing especially at the thought of ‘Big’ Ed in a kilt with his deformed size 3 feet stuck on the end of his short bandy legs. One senior Labour councillor who likes a wee dram reckons Ed is determined to beat Red Rumcouncillor George Elsom to the title of Twat of the Year.

But Mr Monkey reckons Ed’s purchase had more to do with winning a few extra votes in the old County Durham pit villages of the Houghton and Washington East Parliamentary constituency than his desire to rekindle his Scottish roots.

It seems this gesture could be is a last ditched attempt to persuade former miners and their families – many of whom have Scottish roots – to vote for him in the upcoming selection ballot.


Potts Joins The Labour Benches

The King of Sleaze, disgraced Tory councillor David Potts has pulled some stupid fucking stunts in his time but what Mr Monkey witnessed on Friday night at Waggott’s Freedom of the Borough bash has got to top the lot.


The first part of the ‘lets pay homage to our fallen comrade’ charade was held in the council chamber.


Around 110 people attended the formal presentation with Labour councillors, the King of Sleaze and of all people, Jim Capstick taking up seats in the chamber.


Given that the evening was only taking place because Tory Boy Potts – the Boldon Pussy Prowler, forced his two colleagues in to voting for the motion to reward Waggott, it was was fitting that The King of Sleaze swapped his usual place on the opposition benches for a seat on Labour’s front bench.


Yes the arsehole had the audacity to cross the floor and join his Labour lackies on their side of the chamber.


And out of all the people he decided to sit next, he parked his portly arse next to Shrek aka councillor Ernest Gibson. This is the man Pudgy Face vehemently hates because he exposed him as the most likely person behind the Brenda fiasco.


Mr Monkey still can’t get over what he witnessed on Friday but now he’s had time to think about it Mr Monkey reckons he was trying out the seat for size.


Cum May 2010 if Potts is re-elected he’ll have nowhere else to go, that assumes Malcolm has a use for him!


Malcolm Goes Cottaging!

What is it about South Tyneside politicians and Scotland?

Mr Monkey appreciates many South Tynesiders are proud of their Scottish heritage but it seems that the lure of the heather, the glens and lochs, a wee dram, the pipes and the haggis and in Iain Malcolm’s case men in skirts kilts seems too strong to resist, especially for our politicians.

Mr Monkey wonders whether this fetish for men in kilts might explain councillor McCabe’s promotion under Iain Malcolm’s leadership. But if I were councillor McCabe I’d think twice about wearing my kilt when the Laird of the Chamber is about – at the very least I’d cross my legs so the he couldn’t take a sneaky peek up my kilt!

Following hot on the heels of The King of Sleaze, Tory Boy David Potts’s Scottish adventure, it seems that Labour councillor Iain Malcolm thinks he can become a laird. Mr Monkey reckons this explains why he’s bought a Scottish hideaway in Hawick (pronounced Hoick). This allows him to spend some of his weekends at his rural cottage and Mr Monkey reckons he knows what the dirty bastard will be doing!

Mr Monkey has got a few weekends to spare now that the shorter days are here and reckons it’s time he did some digging exploring north of the border – you never know who or what might turn up!


Monkey Clip

This week’s Monkey Clip is dedicated to Iain Malcolm’s thug enforcer and right hand bully man Councillor John McCabe, apparently he has a passion for dressing up! Click here and enjoy.

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